Ephemeral (adjective) ephem•er•al \i-ˈfem-rəl,\ Lasting a very short time; transitory
While all relationships, and indeed life itself, is transitory, it doesn’t have to be that all relationships last for a very short time. Of course everything is relative, but circumstances can make relationships, no matter how long they last, seem ephemeral and thus more precious. Let me explain.
This has been a bad couple of weeks.
First, I got news that Sterling Peterson died. He was the father of Greg and Dave Peterson, and I’d known him for nearly 45 years. A young woman I was dating introduced me to Dave, and since we shared a number of common interests, we got to be good friends. Dave was still living at home at the time, so when Jim and I went to visit Dave we stayed at Blanche and Sterling’s house in Mound. They became like second parents; always hospitable and welcoming.
My father-in-law Dwight was married to Dee when Cathy and I started dating, so from my perspective she’s always been part of Cathy’s extended family. When she was diagnosed with cancer around the end of last year, we all were very concerned but thought that cancer was not the death sentence it so often used to be. Unfortunately for Dee it turned out to be; she lost her battle earlier this month.
My friend of over 30 years, Mike Katke was killed in a motorcycle accident this week; I got the sad news one year to the day (almost to the minute) that I heard that my brother-in-law Doug died from a heart attack.
So now I have three funerals to attend in the next week, coupled with the anniversary of the sudden death of my good friend and brother-in-law.
Like I said, a bad couple of weeks.
The passing of Sterling and Dee, while not unexpected (Sterling was 90 and I already mentioned Dee’s illness), still make me very sad; both of them were generous, giving people and I was very fond of both of them. But the death of Doug and Mike, even though a year apart, were similar in the terrible shock we felt; Doug was in good health (so we thought) and had just gotten news that he was hired back for the upcoming school year (California has a weird budget that dictates that most teachers get laid off when the school year ends, then hopefully rehired for the next year). Doug and Sue were finally in exactly the place they wanted to be.
Mike was about my age and we worked together closely for 30 years. Even when I left Metagenics to work at Austin Hardwoods we stayed in touch; I helped him hang crown moulding in his new house as he was getting it ready to move in. We shared a similar sense of humor and had more fun times together than I can count.
Among the things that keeps bubbling up in my mind are how transient life is, and how quickly things can change. Of course these are clichés, but when you are confronted with tragic situations it’s hard not to think in clichés.
What these sad events also do (at least for me) is help me to reconnect with what’s important, and of course I’m referring to friends. Mike’s brother Tim and I talked fairly often after he left the company, and I had made arrangements with the other brother Chris to get together a couple of weeks ago but had to reschedule. But in both cases there is now the firm commitment to not only stay in close contact, but to put whatever energy it takes to maintain the friendship.
When I made arrangements to attend Sterling’s memorial service, I debated staying in a hotel in Minneapolis rather than at either of my friend Greg’s or Dave’s house. But I realized how I would feel if the situation were reversed: if I had room, I would have been hurt if they opted to stay in a hotel rather than with me. So when Greg invited me to his home of course I gratefully accepted. I’ve been friends with Greg for as long as I’ve known Sterling, so it was a wonderful thing to be able to spend time with the family. I got in on Saturday afternoon, we went to dinner and then hung out with Greg, his wife Debbie, daughter Mindy and son Jesse. I’ve developed a nice friendship with Mindy as an adult, and I hadn’t seen Jesse for many years so it was truly a wonderful time. It felt good to just spend time with them, reminiscing about all the great times we’ve had over the years. I’ve observed before that some relationships are such that you can not see or speak with your friends for an extended time, but when you do it’s like no time has passed. That’s what this weekend was like.
Greg and Dave live a short walk from each other so after the service we all got together at Dave’s house to read the cards people had sent in Sterling’s memory. Sitting out on their screened-in deck with Dave and Donna, Greg and Debby, Jesse and Donna’s sister as a soft rain fell and the day closed around us will be one of those vignettes that will evoke such vivid memories 20 years from now that I’ll feel like I’m right back there.
We get so easily caught up in day-to-day activities and concerns that it’s easy to say that we’ll make that call to an old friend next week or the week after. But life is too short to allow our relationships to become ephemeral.
About BigBill
Stats: Married male boomer.
Hobbies: Hiking, woodworking, reading, philosophy, good conversation.
Ephemeral
Ephemeral (adjective) ephem•er•al \i-ˈfem-rəl,\ Lasting a very short time; transitory
While all relationships, and indeed life itself, is transitory, it doesn’t have to be that all relationships last for a very short time. Of course everything is relative, but circumstances can make relationships, no matter how long they last, seem ephemeral and thus more precious. Let me explain.
This has been a bad couple of weeks.
First, I got news that Sterling Peterson died. He was the father of Greg and Dave Peterson, and I’d known him for nearly 45 years. A young woman I was dating introduced me to Dave, and since we shared a number of common interests, we got to be good friends. Dave was still living at home at the time, so when Jim and I went to visit Dave we stayed at Blanche and Sterling’s house in Mound. They became like second parents; always hospitable and welcoming.
My father-in-law Dwight was married to Dee when Cathy and I started dating, so from my perspective she’s always been part of Cathy’s extended family. When she was diagnosed with cancer around the end of last year, we all were very concerned but thought that cancer was not the death sentence it so often used to be. Unfortunately for Dee it turned out to be; she lost her battle earlier this month.
My friend of over 30 years, Mike Katke was killed in a motorcycle accident this week; I got the sad news one year to the day (almost to the minute) that I heard that my brother-in-law Doug died from a heart attack.
So now I have three funerals to attend in the next week, coupled with the anniversary of the sudden death of my good friend and brother-in-law.
Like I said, a bad couple of weeks.
The passing of Sterling and Dee, while not unexpected (Sterling was 90 and I already mentioned Dee’s illness), still make me very sad; both of them were generous, giving people and I was very fond of both of them. But the death of Doug and Mike, even though a year apart, were similar in the terrible shock we felt; Doug was in good health (so we thought) and had just gotten news that he was hired back for the upcoming school year (California has a weird budget that dictates that most teachers get laid off when the school year ends, then hopefully rehired for the next year). Doug and Sue were finally in exactly the place they wanted to be.
Mike was about my age and we worked together closely for 30 years. Even when I left Metagenics to work at Austin Hardwoods we stayed in touch; I helped him hang crown moulding in his new house as he was getting it ready to move in. We shared a similar sense of humor and had more fun times together than I can count.
Among the things that keeps bubbling up in my mind are how transient life is, and how quickly things can change. Of course these are clichés, but when you are confronted with tragic situations it’s hard not to think in clichés.
What these sad events also do (at least for me) is help me to reconnect with what’s important, and of course I’m referring to friends. Mike’s brother Tim and I talked fairly often after he left the company, and I had made arrangements with the other brother Chris to get together a couple of weeks ago but had to reschedule. But in both cases there is now the firm commitment to not only stay in close contact, but to put whatever energy it takes to maintain the friendship.
When I made arrangements to attend Sterling’s memorial service, I debated staying in a hotel in Minneapolis rather than at either of my friend Greg’s or Dave’s house. But I realized how I would feel if the situation were reversed: if I had room, I would have been hurt if they opted to stay in a hotel rather than with me. So when Greg invited me to his home of course I gratefully accepted. I’ve been friends with Greg for as long as I’ve known Sterling, so it was a wonderful thing to be able to spend time with the family. I got in on Saturday afternoon, we went to dinner and then hung out with Greg, his wife Debbie, daughter Mindy and son Jesse. I’ve developed a nice friendship with Mindy as an adult, and I hadn’t seen Jesse for many years so it was truly a wonderful time. It felt good to just spend time with them, reminiscing about all the great times we’ve had over the years. I’ve observed before that some relationships are such that you can not see or speak with your friends for an extended time, but when you do it’s like no time has passed. That’s what this weekend was like.
Greg and Dave live a short walk from each other so after the service we all got together at Dave’s house to read the cards people had sent in Sterling’s memory. Sitting out on their screened-in deck with Dave and Donna, Greg and Debby, Jesse and Donna’s sister as a soft rain fell and the day closed around us will be one of those vignettes that will evoke such vivid memories 20 years from now that I’ll feel like I’m right back there.
We get so easily caught up in day-to-day activities and concerns that it’s easy to say that we’ll make that call to an old friend next week or the week after. But life is too short to allow our relationships to become ephemeral.
About BigBill
Stats: Married male boomer. Hobbies: Hiking, woodworking, reading, philosophy, good conversation.