It’s been nearly a year since I posted anything. A lot has happened in this past year, so it’s not for any lack of material that I’ve not written anything. For one thing, Mom passed away just before memorial day last year after a long struggle with declining cognitive function; it was probably a blessing when she died but no less difficult for the three of us.
That’s maudlin and only ancillary to my going dark. Mom’s passing of course makes me very sad; we miss her and realize our lives are diminished with her absence; but that’s a topic for another entry. If I needed one, I guess that’s a pretty good excuse for not feeling much like writing.
But maybe it began to feel like this blog was really an excuse for writing an anti-JW screed, and I had to think about that.
A short explanatory break. Or maybe just some introspection. In any case, indulge me. Or move on to the next posting if this becomes boring.
Anyhow, this line of reasoning started after my sister Kathleen observed that I seemed to spend quite a bit of time on this blog talking about things I no longer believe. Actually, I think “obsession” was one of the words she used (or maybe I’m inferring). She did say “What are you trying to prove? Why is it so important to you?”
So I went back and re-read some of my posts with a fresh perspective, and she’s right. It DOES look like I’m trying to prove something. I probably would not have seen it without Kathleen’s pointing it out to me, but there it is.
So I’ve been giving a lot of thought to why I’ve been focusing on my life as a JW in my blog. Of course there’s the possibility that deep down I am questioning myself. I no longer practice as a Witness; more significantly I no longer believe much of what I once thought was incontrovertible; those are pretty strong reasons to be introspective. That said, as I examine my intent I believe it is not so much to prove anything (either to myself or to anyone else), but instead to write down a thought process. This allows me to think through and re-examine the reasoning, kind of like checking your work on a math question before you turn the test in.
I’m not done thinking about it though; I may choose to expand on this later.
