An old debate, redux

My friend Mark and I had a discussion the last time we were together that somehow devolved into free will vs determinism. This is a topic of philosophers since, well, forever, and of course Mark and I weren’t going to solve it, but the pertinent connection is one of the underpinnings of the “determinism” camp, which is that everything that happens has some event or circumstance immediately prior to it that contributed to (caused?) the subsequent event. Determinists say it is not logical to conclude that, if the exact same circumstances that led up to an event were repeated, a different outcome would ensue. (Physically not possible, of course, but this is a thought experiment—just go with it!) I’ve read fairly extensively both positions in this age-old debate, and frankly have some issues with both. But where I come to at the end of the day is that I feel like I am making decisions that influence (even determine) outcome, and maybe that’s enough.

There’s lots of things that fall apart when we look very closely at it. For example, I’m sitting here typing this on my laptop. I have no doubt that I feel the keys under my fingers, and the seat I’m in, yet I also know that the vast majority of what I feel is really empty space. Everything is made up of atoms, which are mostly space (the actual “size” of the electrons and the nucleus is a tiny fraction of the “space” that they occupy). While I know that to be true intellectually, it doesn’t really matter to me because it’s at a level so far removed from where I experience things that it becomes irrelevant.

Another example is a bit more complex. We all have a physical brain (admittedly some use theirs a bit more effectively than others, but that’s a rant for another time). If you think about it for a minute it becomes clear that “I” can think about “my brain.” Which leads to the strange conclusion that somehow my brain is not “me,” that “me-ness” is a separate (and maybe emergent) property of my brain, or some function within my brain. But when my brain shuts off when I’m asleep, I obviously don’t cease to exist so consciousness is not exactly the same as existence.
So how does this “me” arise? It’s partly self-awareness (Descates’ “I think, therefore I am” is closely related to this observation). But it’s not just that; not everything alive has the sense of self, although we also know it is not unique to humans. Elephants can differentiate “themselves” in photographs from other elephants, for example, so they, at least, are self-aware. Maybe it’s an emergent property of our brain (of any more developed brain). Or may it’s nothing more than an illusion informed by our perspective, but as I’ve illustrated, it seems like maybe lots of things are.

Back to my debate with Mark. I took the position that free will doesn’t really exist; that every action is determined by some preceding situation or action. And there’s some interesting science emerging that supports this; when I “decide” to move my arm, the place in my brain that controls that action lights up some few milliseconds before I “decide.” So somehow my brain is aware of what I’m going to do before “I” consciously decide to do it.

But after thinking about it for a while, I’ve decided, “So what?” Maybe it’s a fantasy that I’m making decisions that determine outcome, but it sure seems to “me” that I’m in charge of myself, and maybe that’s all that counts.